My sister Deena and my daughter Anine are both in grad school working on their Masters as well. I have been doing a lot of work helping with their theses and research, and so it seemed only fair for them to be my critical friends, especially as Deena was a part of my target audience, and was always with me when I was working with her students. Her are her suggestions.
- Emphasize heated discussion including their engagement in it on who liked what cookie
- Change Ms. Hardings name to and alias for privacy concerns
- I call our event the “Holiday Open House”
- My Programs name is not G3 but is “Special Day Class for Students with High Functioning Autism.”
- Add that for the party they decided that since data was inconclusive they would go with the prettiest.
- After winter break we returned to refine the testing process.
- Reflect on how lovely it would be as part of a TV segment on the process of scientifically solving this student generated question.
- In conclusions add more about the quality of the engagement of the students and the enthusiasm of the discussions and how it reflected the efficacy of the hands on learning in a subject that is so often perceived by students as unrelated to life when in fact just the opposite is true.
- Reiterate why you wanted to do it and how it relates to course work.
I have integrated all of these into my revised presentation.
- You should put attributions on all your images.
- Do you have permission to share the images of these kids?
- Did you have a review by a Human Subjects Review board? Is it appropriate to use their first names?
- What happened to the data your target audience of colleagues that I was a part of. We provided information about the program elements, but I don’t see it here.
- I don’t understand the title: “FSO MS-EMDT” I presume that is the name of your program but your audience will not understand either.
- I’m not familiar with the term “prior art”, what do you mean by that?
- You should define CBR.
- I like your description of the baking methodology in the phase two, too bad the kids were not involved in that. Do you have pictures?
- You should include some real statistical analysis of your results.
Nini is in a much more rigorous program at CUNY’s Hunter College, and is doing original research on therapy dogs, so she expects a bit more than I am offering here. I have incorporated most of her suggestions, but am not really sure if we were supposed to do some sort of human research subject review.
I do have permission from the parents for all the kids I photographed, there were a couple in the group who did not want to be on camera, and they were not. I will redact all the real names though.
Again, a little sad that I was forbidden from continuing with my target audience split into two groups providing two different types of data. She had been an enthusiastic participant in that part of my study, especially since she learned science at my knee in much the way I am trying to teach it here.